So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
