she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
