Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
