nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize