five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
