obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize