watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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