I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
