I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
