90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
