ugly people sure do ruin things
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
