I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
