oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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