I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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