I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
