remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize