Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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