My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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