Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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