I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
