so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
