So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
