btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize