I think i sorta joined a cult last night
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
