I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
