3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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