I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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