Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
