Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
