i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize