I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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