I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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