honey bunches of taint.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Ketchup is God's man juice
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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