I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
