so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Randomize
