my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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