i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i will never coherently bang her
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
