I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
