I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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