i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
