wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We are all done wearing pants today
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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