RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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