bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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