please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
