I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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