I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
