yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
