"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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