Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Just pee around me
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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