I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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