but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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