a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
why is half of my head shaved?
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