I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
FUCK WHALES
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
