every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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