So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
