Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
