Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize