hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
