So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
