Can i not drive my cunt home
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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