I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's shark week go big or go home
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
