If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize