Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
