Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I love having hate sex.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
