i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
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