Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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