Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
