Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Can I color on your dick again?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
