I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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