This dress was meant to end up on your floor
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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