You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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