i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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