I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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