I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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