i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
