Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
