The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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