omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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