If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize