I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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