the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
