I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
