so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He uses pillows to masturbate.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
as a side note pls kill me
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
