i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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