I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
