So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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