On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
