So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
