I love black thongs
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
