And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize