You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
