the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
